The adventure of Benedict the demon slayer

'Waltz' the weary voice of Leroy sighed. 'Will you stop preening yourself; we have a job to do.'

Leroy was the leader of the guild that Waltz was a part of. Every leader to a guild had a title, a second name by which they went by. Leroy's was The Clockwork Man, though Waltz had never asked why. Leroy rarely used this name.

'I'll be there in a minute' Waltz answered back without turning. He ran his fingers upwards over his scalp, feeling his hair between his fingers. His hair was shaggy, short on the top and long at the bottom and coloured white-blonde. He frowned at himself, eyebrow raised. 'Hmmmm' he said to the mirror, absorbing his own image. 'Sexy.'

'Waltz!'

'Alright!' he snapped, turning away from the mirror. 'I'm coming….jeez…'

He grabbed his sword as he danced past Leroy, who hovered in the open doorway waiting for him. Waltz charged forwards, prancing down the corridor and leaping up onto the balustrade he slid down the stairs.

When he reached the bottom he slipped and fell on his face.

One of the other younger soldiers stood over him, frowning in displeasure. He opened his mouth to speak.

'Idiot.'

'Hey!' Waltz blurted out jumping to his feet. 'You shut your face Trevor!'

'Waltz' Leroy called to him from the top of the stairs. 'Keep your voice down. I wish you wouldn't shout all the time.'

'It's not my fault' Waltz scowled as Leroy descended the stairs. 'It's his fault for being such an asshat.'

'Enough' Leroy barked before another argument could break out. 'Trevor, go fetch the horses.'

Trevor glared at Waltz.

'Jerk off' Trevor mumbled.

'Ass face' Waltz mumbled back. He turned quickly to Leroy behind him, smiling sweetly. Leroy returned only a glare.

'So when do we go?' Waltz asked him casually.

Leroy continued to glare at him for several seconds before deciding to answer

'We would have left an hour ago' he said, 'if you hadn't been goofing around.'

'I want the ladies to notice me' Waltz shrugged slyly.

'We have a job to do' Leroy told him sternly.

'Doesn't mean we can't have fun along the way' Waltz gleamed.

Leroy glared at him.

'Fine!' Waltz submitted, throwing his hands in the air. 'Jeez you're such a kill joy. If I didn't know better' he went on, 'I'd say you were gay….hey maybe that makes sense…after all there are only men in our guild…twelve of them at that…you're surrounded by men all day' Waltz continued to muse as his mind began to wander. 'Maybe I should watch myself around you. You're not secretly in love with me are you? You're not touching me in my sleep are you?'

'Get bent.'

The door to the guesthouse opened suddenly then, banging back off the wall.

'Hey!' Earnest, one of their guild members said. 'Are we going or what?'

'Be right there!' Waltz called, turning and waving jovially to him. He strode towards the door, pausing and leaning towards Earnest, whispering into his ear. 'Watch yourself around Leroy' he warned him. 'I think he wants to touch you.'

'What?' Earnest said shortly.

'I'll meet you outside!' Waltz said back to them both, skipping through the door and swinging his arms as he went. 'Boy look at that! It's such a nice day! Look at the sun! Isn't it beautiful? And boy that sky is blue. Look at the sky, it's so purdy!'

Earnest stared after him, frowning in confusion.

'Weirdo…'

Waltz mounted one of the available horses. None of them were his unfortunately, his guild were not well off enough to own such things. These horses were rented, their weapons at least they owned.

'Hiyah!' Waltz shouted, waving his sword in the air as his horse pranced around beneath him. 'Onwards and upwards! Let's kill this suckaahhh!'

'Waltz!'

He flinched as Leroy barked at him, and like a well trained dog he listened (this time at least). 'You're going the wrong way' Leroy told him, glaring at him still. A permanent expression it seemed when he was around Waltz.

'Oh' Waltz grinned sheepishly, wheeling his horse around and sending it tearing in the other direction. 'Let's kill this suckaahhh!'

One by one the other members of his guild followed after him, their horses moving at a trot.

But not all twelve members followed.

Kenneth waited on the ground, listening to the sound of the rest of his guild moving away.

'We'll be back as soon as we can' Leroy told him hanging back. 'We shouldn't be too long on this one.'

'Ok' Kenneth answered nodding. 'Stay safe.'

Leroy flicked his reigns, tapping the heels of his horse and sending it after the others.

Kenneth turned around, and made his way back to the house, walking slowly with his hands out before him, feeling the air as he went.

Waltz rode ahead of the group, whooping happily and punching his fist into the air. The other members of the guild rode a short distance behind him. He ran his horse back and forth until it grew tired, then annoyed. Eventually the horse reared, tossing its rider from its back.

Waltz tumbled off the steed with a dramatic wail, landing in a deep puddle of mud.

The guild members around him began to cackle.

'Serves you right' Kennedy said trotting up to him and leaning forwards in his saddle.

He reached down to Waltz, extending his hand as if to help him up.

Waltz, squinting through the mud over his eyes, waving blindly as he reached for Kennedy's extended hand. Kennedy whipped his hand back just as Waltz went to grab it, falling forwards again into the mud.

The other guild members that had surrounded him now howled in laughter. One of the other members sent his horse after Waltz's, grabbing the reigns and bringing it back.

'Here' Tom said, offering the reigns of the grumpy horse back to him.

Waltz rose to his feet again, slipping; then falling backwards, into the mud again.

'Come on!' Leroy called loudly down to him. 'We haven't got all day.'

'We're nearly there!' Waltz hollered back, wiping the mud from his eyes.

'I think it's an improvement' one of them giggled.

'Shut your face Trevor!' Waltz snapped.

Waltz fumbled for his horse, stumbling as the creature tried to move away.

He mounted the horse again, covered from head to toe in thick, sticky-dark mud, with only a thin strip of him visible where he had wiped the mud from his eyes.

His horse which had grown tired now, walked behind the other horses from that point onwards. As Waltz went along, he tried his best to clean the mud from him, doing a poor job of it.

'Ach' he winced uncomfortably. 'It's in my pants and everything!'

Minutes later they reached their destination. A natural spring where the water ran hot from deep below the earth, the rocks which surrounded the spring were smooth, and the water itself was crystal clear.

Normally there would be women bathing here, scattered about the spring in various degrees of nakedness.

Waltz's eyes glazed over at the thought.

'What's with that look?' Kennedy asked from beside him. 'You're starting to creep me out.'

'Oh' Waltz said snapping back to himself. 'Nothing. Everything's fine.'

Kennedy frowned at him unconvinced, though he couldn't read Waltz's expression clearly through all the mud that still covered him.

They reached the spring, and all the woman who would usually be bathing, were gathered in a small group at the edge of the water.

'Oh thank god you're here!' one of the woman cried, rushing up to the soldiers. 'We thought we would die for sure!'

The soldiers dismounted, leaving their horses behind as they approached the women.

'Where is it?' Leroy demanded, looking into the woman's eyes.

The woman who had first spoken averted her gaze, her eyes shimmering as she stared to the ground. 'We were so frightened.' She moaned, hugging herself, squeezing her breasts together as she did so, the towel she wore slipping down, barely covering her. 'We simply could not defend ourselves against such a thing.'

'Where?' Leroy said impatiently.

'It was so scary' another woman spoke, a blonde haired woman who looked like a goddess, dressed only in pink underwear with her chest practically spilling out. 'It was a monster!'

Leroy sighed wearily.

'Don't worry ladies!' Waltz called to them, shoving the other guild members to the side and pushing his way to the front of the group. 'I'll save you!'

Everything went quiet then. The women all stared at him in surprise.

A glob of mud slid down his face and splat to the floor.

'A hero!' one of the women cried prancing up to him, casting her arms out as she drew closer. 'A knew a hero would come to us!'

The towel she had held up slipped from her body and fell. Beneath she was completely naked, wearing not a single thread.

Waltz stared down, mouth open and eyes like dinner plates.

His head began to spin, and he wobbled on the spot. His body hunched over then as he held his nose which began to bleed.

'Where is the monster?' Leroy asked the woman patiently, bending down to pick up the towel and handing it back to her.

'Thank you sir' the woman said, taking her towel back as Waltz pulled as his own collar, gasping and panting and fanning himself. 'It's in the middle of the spring' she said to him. 'It's waiting for you.'

Leroy strode past her; the other member of the guild followed him, heading to the centre of the spring.

Leroy backtracked suddenly, grabbing Waltz by the collar and jerking him backwards, pulling him away from the women he gawked at.