THE TASTE OF SOLITUDE

The cities of gold we're only out sold to the big boys and the big girls of the proud rich class, money talk but the poor could not answer. Only the rich had voices, choices, the delegates of the economy, the one percent of the one percent while families who could barely survive just as us, we're the degenerates that only dejection and poverty could tell us better.

This made me draw back my feelings, my association and my intentions drew a line that until this day "I see myself a certified loner who's got nothing but a taste of solitude." Born the only child to two Mexican parents who passed on a few years after my birth, I was raised in the soft and all petty palms of world leading United States, but could not take the lead of my dream, the hustle and even my side attraction, America was soft only for those who could feel it cos even with the soft touch of the whole atmosphere and everything bout' me was just so hard and you may wonder what's got this kid obsessed, twas because life grew hard on me either, was left to the fate of this world at a very tender age, my grandmother took over my care with the little penny that she had. I grew to withstand the gradual savage of disease ailments, society rejection, discrimination, racism and to coat all these stripes of rebellion that painted my whole life red, I was broke, like dead ass broke. At the highest level of poverty and my parents dead, I could hardly cater for myself, grandma and the needs that surrounded me. It is really a taste of solitude cos for me, "THIS IS MY STORY..."

My name is Tessy. I am thirteen years old, a girl from the trenches, Naija ko call am ghetto. With no formal education and no parent figure. I am living life for myself and with myself, happy, satisfied, used to be loud now I'm humbled. Ouch! Just threw myself a bad shot but I gotta tell y'all everything on point as it was. Goodness!! I found friends, Badness!! Are they really worth it? Well, let's give it a try as we walk the Isle of this memorial escapade together. Already gave you guys a spoiler alert but doesn't matter. Still one more thing left, I live with my old grandmother who owns a farm that I work on everyday to bring food to the table. I also work as a cleaner in a rice factory in my neighborhood. Though that's not all, You see, there is more to my story than all these background stuff. I was born with figure faults and genetic diseases. But I was not the prototype of all these mutant irregularities, it was the first time that the people of our community had seen something of this sort. The kids that I grew up with from childhood we're like my best friends although we could not afford to go to a good school, they we're the people that bore my heart but as we grew older for our bonds to grow stronger and more mutual, I was engrossed with more tendencies of losing my friends.

Why? These figure faults and generic diseases began manifesting and became more gross that elders and youths in our community started making me their foul play, with my personality a vulgar language to their comic relief, giving me names like weirdo, cursed child, troll and so many other bitter things that I cannot remember, these drew my friends apart from me making some of the to be hating on me and saying hurtful things that of a truth, I could not still come out of the stare of unbelief, the whole scene capitalized on me, disrupted my mental stability and brought me to the resolution of staying away from people. I could feel goosebumps grow on my forehead and fear shiver down my spine every time someone tried having a conversation with me. Copy, I was in no war scene, but the scene of my friends betrayal got me crazily out of my mind as keeping no friends had and has now become the new normalcy. TRUTH HURTS but they we're just the ones to spit these things on me. My roots had these complicated issues of a disease condition of some sorts but I never took that seriously. Since I was born till now I am getting old they'd never showed up, just happened that mine was the worse that only as I was about to set foot into adolescence, they begin to shower upon me, and there was no one there to save me. My parents we're both dead and due to an undisclosed pathetic illness that I was not given details about. Is it a curse or something? All that grandma told me was that, daddy and mommy suffered these illnesses and physical abnormal features for long before they gave up their ghosts. I can vividly remember that she said that I should not give it too much of thought I just overlooked it and now it's began to dawn on me as I now realize that there was more to that than I thought.

I was so away from people, calm and reserved which I realized happened naturally. Because as for me, I'm a phlegmatic but I was mentally, emotionally and physically challenged. I had squints which what most people call is four o'clock eyes, Is that a problem you'd guess but people say hurtful stuff just to get you pissed all the time for something you are naturally not the cause and don't come at me because you do not know what it feels like until you're in those shoes, was also not really able to read and write properly, which I thought was because I didn't have any form of formal education but no it was a disease condition called dyslexia. I was not some white kid but a Mexican girl living in the country side of Texas, USA. I was pure Mexican but was born and brought up in USA. A Latina girl not only with these diseases to conflict my happiness and openness to the world but racial discrimination. That's much, so very much that I realize why they also stay away from me, it was my color "HISPANIC" No, no, no! This one couldn't bear it. I became a loner, I was no longer with friends, neither not sooner, I had thought in my head. Though, I've never been to Mexico, I love my people's culture, I am proud and brave to tell that, but many things make me hold my steps back, I didn't have a full idea of what's dyslexia or even how to tackle it. I've lived in this condition for years not knowing what's happened to me, feeling empty, inferior and not alone the squints, people used it to mock me that that's why I cannot read, they laugh and they go away. Hmm!! No parent figure and not enough to tell the story, I know granny was trying but it wasn't enough as l even had to always give her food and take care of her, because as she grew old, she became blind and I always had to be there for her. Not even all, the stigmatization for racism and my ailments that wasn't HIV, COVID or viruses that could kill somebody even to the clothes they wear.

People still neglected me and saw no better in me, I was just wearing a lot on my shoulders that a thirteen year old kid should not see at that age. Such a rare scene, so far that's how it has been, I became a certified loner, so reserved and violent with everybody that came around because I felt like they we're there to hurt.