Shadows of Grace

Their world was crumbling. As the four of us made our way through the woods in the rusty pickup, I watched Joseph in the passenger's seat as he studied the passing skyline on the horizon. I knew what he was thinking. It was the same thing all the adults in our community thought when they saw what was once a great city falling to nothing in the distance; he was wishing he could be back there, back in a time when the buildings were full of people—longing for a life of modest luxury. All I saw when I looked to the distance was the concrete sketch of a life I would never know.

I knew better than to cry about it. Unlike most others, I had a safe place to call home. Without it, I would be just another nameless skeleton in the dirt.

"If I'm gonna come on more supply runs with you guys, " I said, breaking the silence, "can I have a weapon?"

Damen let out a satisfied chuckle. Even though he was fourteen, only four years younger than me, we had almost never spoken. "Hunters get weapons, " he smiled. "You're not a hunter."

"I could be one, " I told him.

"No you can't."

"'Cause I'm a girl?"

"Lindsey's a girl and she's a hunter, " he said.

"Then why?" I asked, my voice teetering with urgency. It was a question that had been on my mind for a long time, but only now did I speak it aloud. Damen's mouth lingered open, an answer locked and loaded in his throat.

"That's enough, " said Harry as he made a sharp left into the hidden trail in the woods. He was Damen's father and only spoke when something was bothering him. We pulled into camp and stopped with a jolt. I spilled out of the truck as fast as I could, hoping I wouldn't have to deal with any more of Damen's smug looks.

As Joseph and I pulled our packs from the bed of the pickup, we were instantly mobbed. A young mother and her husband saw the cans of food and baby formula in my hand and hugged each other. People had very little expectations from these runs, it had been two full decades since the war, nearly every place carrying canned goods had been ransacked years prior. Joy isn't a strong enough word for the feeling I got when we found the hidden gas station behind a wall of Sugar Maples at the side of an old forgotten road. We found canned meals of almost every variety of almost flavor.

"We're gonna be okay this winter, " I told the weary young woman as she wiped a tear from her face. I was suddenly swallowed into a warm hug.

"Thank you, " she whispered. My life was made of such moments. When the women from the group would show me comfort and give me the kind of attention usually reserved for their children. Before she was even gone I already knew my night would consist of me lying in bed, replaying that moment in my head until I fell asleep. As she pulled back her eyes grew concerned.

"Are you alright?" she asked, looking at my swollen lip.

"I'm okay, " I said with a smile. I had almost forgotten it was there. I licked at the wound and tasted the sharp tang of iron, it was still bleeding. She returned my smile and rejoined her husband.

There had been a little girl in the gas station when we waked in. She lay on the floor as if she'd gone to sleep, three empty cans surrounding her. Her skin had been mummified. She had been dead for years.

"Ate herself to death, " Harry had said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Go too long without eating then gorge yourself... Stomach explodes, " he told me. Damen came running in and without hesitation he knelt down over the dead girl and began putting his hands in the pockets of her dress. The body rocked back and forth, blond hair spilling across her wrinkled face as he tore his way through her.

"What're you doing!" I yelled.

"Checking for supplies, what's it look like?" Before I knew it I was putting my hands around the back of his collar and pulling him away. He fell back to the floor, his shirt tearing at the neck. As fast as he could, Damen rushed up to his feet and threw a punch, hitting me square in the mouth.

His eyes burned into mine. I lowered my gaze. I could hear Damen laugh as Joseph led me outside.

The rain which had just minutes before been a drizzle, was now coming down as a steady silver stream. "Go back to the truck, wait for us there, " Joseph had told me. He was the only person who really talked to me. I wondered why. Why him and not the others? What did he see when he looked at me?

"It's not right the way he was—"

"I know, " he said. "Grace... why're you here?"

"I wanna help."

"You want to be a hunter, " he said.

"So?"

"So..." he began, but the next words seemed to get stuck just before they reached his lips. He looked at me as if he already knew the answer to a question he hadn't asked yet. "Go, please, " he said again. I went back to the truck and waited for them. Damen has been more useful on this trip than I, that thought alone was enough to knock all the life out of me until we returned to camp.

Some of the teenage girls who had come to see what the fuss was about stopped short when they saw me unpacking the truck. I pretended not to notice them. "Want to get ready?" Joseph asked. "We only have our first act, I know the narrative doesn't exactly have to be cohesive for it to be entertaining, but I like to bring a certain degree of professionalism—"

"Why do they always do that?" I asked.

"Who?"

"The girls, the boys, everyone."

He looked up and saw them, the girls met his eyes and quickly walked off. "Maybe they're jealous you get to come with us on these runs now."

"They treat Lindsey like a hero, " I said.

"Come on, we got work to do." Joseph and I walked across camp to the armory where we stored our supplies. Mike smiled and opened the gate when he saw us. The armory was wrapped in sharp spikes of wood to keep intruders from rushing inside."Big catch today?" Mike asked, taking our packs.