A Fool and His Money

ificant action on the part of the suspected wraith. She turned to whistle over her shoulder, and to snap her fingers peremptorily, and then she stooped and picked up a rather lusty

g and lifted her hand to adjust something in her hair. He again barked at me, quite ferociously for a chow. This time it was quite plain to her that he

than mine and therefore, more likely to dovetail with that of the Schmicks, neither of whom spoke German because they loved it but because they had to,-being Austrians

the keys of the castle, which neve

od as to inform me who the dickens that wo

g sons said something to each other that I couldn't qu

white dress,

ein herr, dogs are not per

How did she

sir! It must have

in the unused wing, which I haven't been allowed to penetrate in spite of the fact that it belongs to me. You say you ca

y. "She cannot be there. She-Ah, I have it! It may h

sting place for Juliets, Herr Schmick. We'll get to the bottom of this at once. Here, you Rudolph, fetch a couple of lanterns. Max, get a sledge or two from the forge. There is a forge. I saw it y

the scullery, growled and grumbled for fully ten minutes before deciding to obey

d a rag-doll in the courtyard yesterday, on that s

d a baby crying the sec

aid my secret

om one of the back chimney pot

moment. "What became of

ired s

," said he. He grinned. "I thought as

I bluntly inquired what had become of

upset. His sons towered and glowered and his wife wrapped and unwrapped her hands in

disturbed over the fact that my hallucination inclu

mick," I cried in some

ried, and, to my surprise, t

g," she wailed. "It means e

resisting hand. "And, Schmick, if that dog bites me, I'

rtuous stairs and came at length to the sturdy oak door that separated the east wing from the west: a huge, formidable thing strengthened by many cross-

d Schmick sourly. "This door has not

zzly sons, leaning against the m

and her dog get into t

d. "Tell

assionately, as much as to say, "It

p his coat collar to protect his thin neck

ocks, Max," I com

ld man looked at his wife, and then all fou

ein herr?" began Max, twirling the sledg

d Britton, in some alarm. "

derably impressed by the ease with which he swung the

ted all of them gladly, an

th a comprehensive sweep of his hand that m

Max," I said after

t do it," said Br

is parents, prepared to deal the first blow upon the ancient padlock. The old couple turned t

ried I, affecting an en

e crash must have disturbed every bird and bat in the towers of the grim old pile. But

lph, his broad face beaming, held the lantern close to the

cried old Conrad, with a n

he thing myself. "It is, indeed

than before, and again they all uttered ejaculations of pleasure.

ou. Now, let's have the truth-every word of it-or out you go to-morrow, the whole lot of you. I insist

, for they looked at me with all

air. He sought to improve on my German, but I think he

d, placid person and averse to anything savouring of the tempestuous. I delivered a savage and resounding thwack upon the broad oak panel of the door, regardless of the destructiveness that might attend the effort. If any one had told me that I couldn't splinter an oak board with a sledge-hammer at a single blow I should have l

festal amenities and was by no means feudal in its aspect or appeal. Here, as I came to know, the old barons received their friends and feasted them and made merry with the flagon and the horn of plenty; here the humble tithe payer came to settle his dues with gold and silver instead of with blood; here the little barons and baronesses romped and rioted with childi

ot occurred to me at the time of the transaction to insist upon an inventory, and I had been too busy since the beginning of my tenancy to take more than a passing account of my belongings. In excusing myself for this rather careless oversight, I can only say that during daylight hours the castle was so completely stuffed with workmen and their queer utensils that

evidence. Two or three antique rugs, for instance, were missing from the main hall, and there was a lamentable suggestion

e of the hall, "what has become of the rugs that were here las

e, and I was compelled to relieve him of it in order that we might extract oursel

as not slow

ay, mein herr, and took much away. They

" I gasped.

Herr Count sold the rugs

of wrath. "Do you mean to tell me that these things have been sold

of property dated several weeks prior to your purchase, Mr. Smart. We had

uth. "Why-why, I bought everything that the castle conta

to pacify me. I sputtered out the rest of t

take away the most priceless of our treasures, to sell them to the poor rich at twenty prices. I could weep over the sacrifices. I have wept, haven't I, Gretel? Eh

to say that articles have been taken away f

must suffer. Nearly all of the grand paintings, the tapestries that came from France and Italy hundreds of years ago, the wonderful

who comes here to cart away so much as a single piece is to be kicked out. Do you understand? These things belong to me. Kick him into the river. Or, better still, notify me and I'll do it. Why, if this goes o

s grandfather was a fine man." I contrived to subdue my rage and disappoin

o-morrow. I give you warning, Conrad, if the keys are not for

troy, mein herr, God k

to destroy fin

it and see,"

ide of the door, just as on this side. It will be of no use to destroy these. The door

ou actually want to keep me out of

protested manfu

not place a tall ladder in the courtyard

y. "And now let's go to bed! We will breakfast at eight,

ies and gentlemen who are comi

, compressing my lips. "Don'

t, sir,"

it from coarse and unfeeling bargain-hunters on the morrow, it is really not surprising that I tossed about in my baronial bed, counting sheep backwards and forwards over hedges and fences until the vociferous cocks in the stable yard began to send up their clarion howdy-dos to the sun. Strangely enough,

ave ordered the workmen to stop work, sir, complaining of the beastly noise they make, and the dust and all that, sir. They have a

ritton, and don't bother about the tub." He had filled my twentieth century porta

very rou

h the b

y are onto his game. They go right on yanking things about and putting their own prices on them and reserving t

all this," I grated, se

ompletely ravished, sir,-with joy, I take it. Your great sideboard in the dining-room is to go to Mrs. Ri

hey haven't moved it, have t

dirons on it, regardless of what Mr. Poopendyke says. Y

Where the dickens

eing pressed, sir

confound you, Britton.

thespress, all the while regaling

ung lady insisted on having it. She squealed with joy at seeing an antiqu

't help

They are a bit rusted, you'll remember. I left him out in the courtyard trying your brassie and mid-iron, sir, endeavouring to loft potatoes over the south wall. I succeede

d tones from the depths of a sweater I was gettin

e plumbers, sir, at h

them out, but they sai

ht by, leaving their

sid

Max stop them?" I crie

ed, sir. I think they

my watch. "Nine-thirty! What sort o

pes and talking in guttural whispers. All operations appeared to have ceased in my establishment at the command of the far from idle rich. Two portly gentlemen in fedoras were standing in the middle of the great hall, discussing the merits of a dingy old spinet that had been carried out of

d one of the strange

ake it. My wife says it can be made

I confronting them. "Will you be go

igher wages. The speaker, a fat man with a bristly mo

ou?" he demanded, fi

to hate with a zest that knows no moderation; the kind that mak

of this place, and you'll

friend. We're here to look over your stuff, and we mea

d shortly. "And you've got a lot of ner

other right off the reel, my friend. All you've got to do is to answer us when we ask fo

idly," said the other, in a tone meant to crush me. "What do you as

d to me that the si

before I can discuss anything with you," I said, aft

d!" gasped the bristly

this gentleman is? Y

know Mr. Riley-Werk

y-Werkheimer. I did not know that Mrs. Riley-Werkhei

nk at his purple-jowled companion. "I am onl

have heard of you. This fine old spinet? Well, it has bee

now let's talk about this here hall-seat. My wife thinks it's a

the first of the great Teutonic barons. The treaty between the Romans and the Teutons was signed on that table over there,-the one you have so

look impressed, bu

up, you skinflints from Boston. I'll bet my head

e your head, Mr. Rocksworth, so I

esh now," sai

a closer look at the seat, almost treading o

it's the genuine artic

rd for it, sir,

ush!" s

ed in the direction

ted. "Come here a

, Orson," came back fr

made me drop

and come on. Thi

brow and respectfully put my

n the scene, all of them dusting their h

lady who couldn't, by any circumstance of fate, have been any

uldn't get it for a nickle under a thousand. And say, this m

rely said that he sat in it. I am

with a distorted bust and a twenty-two inch waist. "Maude, what do you know about the Roman-Teutonic treaty? We'l

be racking her brain. I

ty, after the fall of N

t really signed here, right here in this h

a treaty, Maude?" demand

d. "The Teutons ceded

"you are thinking of the other treaty-the one at Metz, Miss Riley-Werkhei

ather, I can't say that it was signed here or on this table as the young man says. I onl

ther. "If you can show me statistics and the proper p

said. "We can take it up

ted Rocksworth, biting off the end of a

y. "I can only affirm, sir, that it is common history that Pontius Pilate spent a portion of his exile here in the si

take a chance on it. If it isn't the right thing, we ca

llars to you,

to get sour and angry again, having missed my coffee. From the culinary regions there ascended a most horrific odour of fried onions. If there is one thing I really resent it is a fried onion. I do not know why I

cratic Mrs. Riley-Werkheimer, hold

" sniffed Maude.

ty. "Hate 'em?" he cried, his e

sfixing him with a glare. "W

kheimer, perceiving at once whom she mea

ons resumed their infernal racket, while scrubwomen, p

o you mean, sir, permitting these scoundrels to raise the dead like this?

ladies and gentlemen." I had taken my cue with surprising quickness. "T

y-Werkheimer. "We'll get

id Rocksworth calmly. "

ons, ain't t

d castle actually devastated by workmen! It is an outrage-a

am," said I, slyly working my f

elf," she said, eyeing me coldly

by surprise. I should have made mys

s get this lot of stuff together and I'll take an option on it. I'll be over to-morrow to cl

?" said I,

your talk about being the proprietor here, my

said or done if Britton had not returned with a box of matches at th

outh of eighteen. He was a loud-voiced, imperious sort of chap w

s brittle as glass. See what I did to 'em. We can hae 'em spliced and

d cleek. My favourite clubs! I could play better from a hanging lie with that beauti

le of shavings. Old Conrad returned to life at t

good clubs, Harold, if they brea

napped, and I at once knew what clas

e, said I to myself, God rest

I could put up with anything but the

I snatched the rem

re sense than to smash a golf club like that? For

d indignantly. "Wh

toward me, his cane rai

he shouted. The

, he was mightily mistaken.

, Dad!" ro

ut the historic treaty table between him and me. He

me that this inelegant appellation may have been meant fo

back my foot for a final aid to locomotion. Acutely recalling the fact that slippers are not designed for kicking purposes, I raised my foot, removed the slipper and laid it upon a taut sec

ssed swiftly o

upon me. Somehow I had a vague, but unerring instinct that some one had fainted, but I didn't st

t out!"

ttered, quite black in the face.

ne. Rudolph and Max, thoroughly fed and most prodigious, were be

er of this place, Mr. Rocksworth, an

have t

be ha

me a millio

don't get!" I advised him, seeing

huge henchmen away. Mr. Riley-Werkheimer approached, but very pacif

my life. I-but, wait!" He had caught the snap in my atavistic eye. "I am not seeking trouble

ly for one who had just been revived by smelling-salts. As her husband went by

do what you did to that insufferable pupp

. A racking headache set in. Never again will I go wi