Deadly love

And it was like the most beautiful feeling butterflies name. In the 15 years down the line. Leaving an abusive and toxic marriage with nothing but my full children. Everything I walked helpful given to another woman. But in spite all that. I am at peace. And I am happy as I found relationship with myself. And with god I was brought up in a chart. And I had my life planned and it has nothing to do with the church really. I am one of those kids who knew what they want. And. Honour was very important for me. And for me, it was about. Keeping my honor.

Which keeping my virginity until the day I was going to get married. That was my plan. I was determined to sit through. I didn't date in high school. I didn't even know why people wanted to date in high school. People did date in my high school. But I didn't but when I finished my o levels, my mom was in Mombasa. Things are just button up and down and. One of my friend whom I used to stay in their house was our home. Now we have to move from milly money where we used to stay and would live in a village. A village beautiful home, but it's a village nonetheless the distance is very long and this time my parents can't afford fuel mama and the other kids are my siblings are basically in Mombasa, so I would stay with my friend. You see, and my friend her mom used to, work in a deal with the oil. And you'd find most of these people in their house. So whenever we go to their place. There were people in their house and there's this specific man that she kept on telling me, oh, you know, he likes you so much. Why don't you date him, his name is so and so it's like my boyfriend. You know, at that age you don't see men with Billie is running all over the place, you know. So, i really wasn't for it, but she kept on insisting so that particular time we were from swimming, my friend and my other three friends. So we were actually fog out and this guy was driving up a girl that I think that was the biggest among the biggest cover at that time and he stops and he says, hi girls and we say hi and this is a kindly can I drop you guys because we were from swimming and the girls were like my other friend was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but i'm like. We don't need it, but she's like she insists. So. We basically get the lift. And she he asked me, where can I take or tell him I live very. Very far he says there's no problem even if it's in my Robbie, I will take you. So we read home. My father, now this is my father brought me up. Mister lang is a very quiet man. I say the gentleman a very gentleman and they get to talk and he gets to ask him if he can take me out. And my dad looks at me and says, well, if she's okay with it, then you know, so we we go to town. We go back to town from the village. And here we are at nanza club. You see his practice. He said he was 33 years old. For me, that was old. And he's working out and i'm saying. Oh my god, you stay near the club and it's like. Yes, you mean their rooms there like you can come check it out. I'm like, ah, it's okay, is it? No, no, no, no, come on, just come check it out. There's no problem. I'm like, cool. Yeah, so I I enter in the room. And. And it starts with the bathroom because the bathroom, when you enter the bathroom was on the left side. So as I checked it, he just goes and locks the door. I still don't feel like there's anything wrong with it. I don't see anything wrong with it. You can close the door. Okay, you know, so I I check the room and this is it shows me the balcony where you can see, the the lake, you can see the lake and when i come back. He is all over me. He says how much he loves me and blah, blah, blah. And I think the first thing I start to think is. How am I getting out of this situation. And I feel like. Okay, you know what, this is a man, the door is locked. So it is not about strength anymore. And. I don't say is aggressive. No, I don't say that. But he starts pulling everything off and he's talking all the sweet words. They don't really come sweet. But he's a man I have not been with a man not in that compromising situation. And he tries to to to. To penetrate and it's very painful. So we end up i end up moving, moving and is coming after and i come off and I I I gone the next bed before i noticed, the old place was bloody and, we didn't go for anything. We didn't go for any dinner. We slept there. And the following morning the walkers came in. And. The entire nanza club knew that Orlando young daughter has just been deflower. I first I blamed myself. I did blame myself. I told myself that. First of all. If i'm if I tell someone about this. They will say I knew what I was doing cause. How did I enter this man's room. I was in his room, that was his room. And I wasn't a stupid jungle. I read I reset everything and I knew you don't get in a man's room. So I knew 1st of all, I was in a compromising place and people will. Dismiss me and I had the fear of that. Yeah. So I was broken and I didn't tell anyone, so my mom comes and removed to mobile car because she felt I couldn't be there alone anymore. Something can happen to me and I reached in Mumbai and I don't know, I basically don't know anything. It's hot. Mombasa is a hot it's unfriendly. I had studied in Mombasa previously before that. Yeah. There's a gap there where I started. I did my year 8 there, but this was different. Okay, everything was different. Everything has changed and my mom introduces me to have friends daughter who is ah my. Maybe you want to be your own boss. Maybe you want to make your products look amazing online. Walking so we walk and we reached somewhere in Casablanca. Casablanca still is in tower on your way to pamba Billy pendulo. I don't know. And we're standing there then there's a Mercedes Benz. The Mercedes Benz is driving and my friend is saying that hope they're calling for you cause she had gone then i'm like, oh. Why what do they want, no, just go see. So I go and I bend because, you know, the car is low, so I have to go a little bit low and i'm like, hi, can I help you, and there were these swahili people, swahili men too. Sitting and one of them reaches my breast and grabs. I gave him a slap of his life. He was so startled by this and before he could understand what was happening, I was on him. I was asking him you someone else what is wrong with you, how can you grab and they drove so fast. And I went back to my friend. I'm like and she was laughing like she was dying with laughter and it took me the longest time until I was telling my sister this story. Then my sister told me that. Hope. You are just doing what we call street parking. I'm like, what she's like. Yeah, that was street parking. I'm like, hell to the no, yeah. But I guess I did that's what it was, you know. Ah so this was really new for me. So anyway, so I start with a band and I get my first band, which is a two piece and it was amazing. And my repertoire went real fast. I was singing everything titanic. You know music is a love of my life and I was doing it and my first boss was a blind guy and it was fantastic. He taught me how to hold my microphone professionally, how to work on my songs. Now I was living my life at this point, but then again I started looking for a big band because the pay was little and I was the one helping my mom at this particular time and I felt, okay. I need someone who can pay me a little bit more. So I got my first band and that was symba 6. Now that is my first big band. The small band was called twin tubes my first big band was simba 6 now I am working with simba 6. It is a big set up their drums and. I'm like, wow. You know at that particular time, when you start music, it's not even about money. It's about singing. Yeah, then you realize actually you need money. Okay, so we go to the practice room. And our porter. Who is the technician. Also the nephew is around, right? And he actually chip chatty dog on a mini apple to now get. Then, i think he asked me to go see something. I don't know. So I opened the the Van and I go out and. When i walk to go see whatever he wanted me to see, i can't remember it's long time and he goes, wow, you know, he does that. So anyway, he becomes my very good friend. Who follows me practically everywhere, who listens to all my stories. May they be boring, supports it. You. And, before i knew it somewhere along the. I was expecting our first child when I was pregnant with my son at five months, I started to collapse. I was fainting, meaning I didn't work from five months to end of it. I didn't work. I remember even when I was nine months when I was pregnant, like around 8 months I delivered my son on several location. I was so hungry. There was no food. I would go to the cabana and pretend i'm in labor so they can give me transport to go to where to the hospital then i'll just use another road and go buy food, but by that time he really was honestly whenever he was walking he would come in and bring something. But it wasn't that much often. He could not he didn't have a job. This was a problem. It was a kaleigh everywhere who listens to all my stories. May they be boring, support it, you know. And, before i knew it somewhere along the. I was expecting our first child when I was pregnant with my son at five months, I started to collapse. I was fainting, meaning I didn't work from five months to end of it. I didn't work. I remember even when I was nine months when I was pregnant, like around 8 months I delivered my son on several location. I was so hungry. There was no food. I would go to the cabana and pretend i'm in labor so they can give me transport to go to where to the hospital then I would just use another road and go buy food, but by that time he really was honestly whenever he was walking he would come in and bring something. But it wasn't that much often he could not he didn't have a job. This was a problem. It was, it was technically everywhere who listens to all my stories. May they be boring supports. And, before i knew it somewhere along the line. I was expecting our first child when I was pregnant with my son at five months, I started to collapse. I was fainting, meaning I didn't work from five months to end of it. I didn't work. I remember even when I was nine months when I was pregnant, like around 8 months I delivered my son several location. I was so hungry. There was no food. I would go to the cabana and pretend i'm in labor so they can give me transport to go to where to the hospital then i'll just use another road and go buy food, but by that time he really was honestly whenever he was walking he would come in and bring something. But it wasn't that much often. He could not he didn't have a job. This was a problem. It was a cali everywhere who listens to all my stories. May they be boring, supports it, you know. And before I knew it somewhere along the line, I was expecting our first child when I was pregnant with my son at five months, I started to collapse. I was fainting, meaning I didn't work from five months to end of it. I didn't work. I remember even when I was nine months when I was pregnant, like around 8 months I delivered my son on several location. I was so hungry. There was no food. I would go to the cabana and pretend i'm in labor so they can give me transport to go to where to the hospital then I would just use another road and go buy food, but by that time he really was honestly whenever he was walking he would come in and bring something. But it wasn't that much often. He could not he didn't have a job. This was a problem. It was it was six years older than I, but he did not know. I think he did not know what to do with his life at that particular time. He was still trying to figure himself out. And he told me he wanted to make soap. So I I I looked for money. He bought the things he needed and he was making nim soup. Sabun yang Aruba ini. And he was going to sell them in Nairobi. So we made lots of cartons of them. I helped him park. We are young and you know very hopeful and i'm happy for him, you know, so he lives for Nairobi. He's coming to sell his soap and he comes back. We are very broke at that time. And i'm so happy to see him. I'm like, oh my god, at least now this money we could buy. And it comes with a story that. He has supplied the soap. The money is coming. Afterwards, so anyway. The sob story ended up there because I never saw any money. It never came. I didn't follow up and I didn't also want to stress him because I felt he was stressed enough. So in between here things were not going well with my work. I was trying to, get something better that can work because, if i'm working and i feel like my span is not, feeding well, that was a problem for me. So in between there I got a different job and I told him we need to move out of here. Now I cannot do this job anymore. It's not working. It's not ah providing well, you know. So we move out and, somewhere in between there we are expecting our second child. Before I know it, we have our third born. Yeah, you know. For me I was in this relationship to the end. And I believed he was doing his best. And I believe that things were going to work out. As much as even my mom was like really having what is going on here. But I had faith in him. I had that particularly everywhere who listens to all my stories. May they be boring supports. And, before i knew it somewhere along the. I was expecting our first child when I was pregnant with my son at five months, I started to collapse. I was fainting, meaning I didn't work from five months to end of it. I didn't work. I remember even when I was nine months when I was pregnant, like around 8 months I delivered my son on several location. I was so hungry. There was no food. I would go to the cabana and pretend i'm in labor so they can give me transport to go to where to the hospital then I would just use another road and go buy food, but by that time he really was honestly whenever he was walking he would come in and bring something. But it wasn't that much often. He could not he didn't have a job. This was a problem. It was, ah, it was I believed I believed this is marriage and in marriage you become a support system and you don't leave someone or to put them down because, you know. They cannot hold a job for too long, something like that. So I just felt like maybe the world was against him for that particular moment, but things will be better. Yeah. So my my husband now starts getting a good job. And now he's earning and we still have our three children. And the things are good. So I talk to him and I tell him. Why don't you go back to school cause I was already at that particular time I was not having was a good job. I was playing with a good band. We were having lots of work and basically i've been paying bills throughout, so I ask him to go and get more education major in something so that when it finishes, I can also measure. So I thought that if I say I measure fast, it might take an offense to it. So I say. Why don't you do it fast? But he took it as an insult. He didn't really like it so that didn't take place. Okay. And at this particular time he started going to the disco. We were not disco people really and, what cause we were working, we have to alternate like if he leaves Ali, you must come back to the kids, you cannot trust a house manager with the kids full time and also i'm leaving for work at that particular time. So he had friends that he made that he has to go out with and I understood, you know. If if it is something that is helping him in his career wise or something like that and I felt like, okay, it's okay and I trusted him completely trusted him. I didn't have any issues with him. This thing went on where he is now going out in the disco and coming out late, he comes back very late, but I didn't question it either. One day. I want I needed to use his phone to call my mom because my phone had been stolen. I had a small salon just outside the gate and my phone had been stolen, so he told me. No, just take the phone and call your mom. And as I took his phone to call my mom, apparently there was a message. The message just came in when I was holding the phone and I remember the message very well how it read the message said. Hi, honey. Unna, Juan ni mei you kuai mu gong your son okay kuja unlettered vanilla yoga. It had something like that because I think what really pissed me off was the vanilla yogurt pot because this man has never brought vanilla yogurt to my children live alone me. And I asked him, what is this. So I think that was the first time I started thinking there's something very wrong. Though he said. I don't know. No, this is just a friend and do you know all of this and all that. Yeah. So that was the first time the second one was when I was coming from my gate. I'm from work at night and i'm walking in we had two doors, so the last door he pops his head out and still from the gate a little distance coming in. And he pops his head and he tells me. Kuan ni Hawaii zuku piga simu come on. Danny enters back in and i'm asking myself, why should I call when i'm coming in my own house. So we used to use the back door when you're getting in. They're all in the same line, but that is like the back. This is the living room, so I go in and he's across the door for. Hi, yeah. So I knock i'm like, hey, open for me. Literal comes and open. So at this time i'm tired. I'm not thinking much really what is happening. So I pass because this was just a one bedroom house. So this was like the the toilet and the laundry room. Then the kitchen was big, then the living room and our bedroom, the kids were sleeping in the living room in our house. Lady was sleeping here in the kitchen cause those are big space. She keeps her things there. So I pass her also as i'm going and I mean. You funny, come back. Okay, kay Chua. So may I go to the room and I come back to.

The the lady tells me me i'm leaving work. So i'm like, oh, without any notice is anything wrong? No, me i'm leaving work. I'm like, that's okay. So why don't you come and pick up your money and a month, because right now I don't have money for paying cause I was even paying that. My my you know, my ladies also, so she lives I don't know why she has left. I don't know why she's mad, you know, I don't know. Cause I don't know, cause I don't know, cause I don't know what happened like that. So me, I just leave it like that. One day my husband comes to tell me a very weird story. Now this time we have a house manager called esta esta was a very lively girl and he's telling me, do I know what is happening? Some like what is happening. Oh, I S T is being seen being taken. And some mine is sleeping with him. Yeah, sorry with ha there. And i'm like, oh, but that is her life if she wants to be engaging in that it is during half time. I mean, it does not concern me at all. You see, so I sweep this. Under the carpet and i'm like, you know what. This is. None of my business. So later on. There's a friend of mine, mamma Bruno comes to visit me. She used to be my old neighbor. So she comes to visit to me. We talk we are happy and she tells me something and she tells me. Do you know this husband of viewers and my husband have been doing some very weird things before. And when she tells me a particular story, I related to his story. And a story he had given me before and I say like, okay, so this is how he handles the things he goes and does something. Comes and says someone is doing it and tells it to me, but I was quite still I was just very calm about it. Then there was a lady. She was a bit older than I almost my mum's edge met. She really loved me so much, mama purity and she had a kiosk from boga. She really loved me and we were in a chamber together then she wonder she called to me. And she told me hope, you know people are wondering how you can live with trash. I'm like, what is trust. Then he says they call your husband trash and I say, why they're calling him. And they said, you know. Rush, i'm like, what is trash. Then he says they call your husband trash and I. And he said. You know it is being said that he sleeps with your house help. I'm like, no. He doesn't like, yes, it is being said, I don't know. You know, your husband better, you know, so she tells me. I had faster. I'm like, no. He sleeps with ourselves. I don't think so. So esta ends up being pregnant. She's vomiting, she is sick. At first we think it's malaria, but this thing is continuing. So one day i'm from work. And i'm in the room. I'm sleeping. My husband is in the living room playing music. And it's not coming to the room. So I feel like going to the restroom and I have to pass the living room. As I sick as I now is sleeping on the couch because apparently she's feeling so sick she can't sleep where she used to sleep. Now I opened the door without Esther knowing I was opening the door because nobody knew I was going to wake up, definitely. So when I opened the door like this, because this couch where as I was sleeping was like somewhere there. So when I opened the door like this, esta had no point. Heart ties were wide open. And my husband was sitting somewhere there. So when I opened a leash tucker and close the. I didn't speak. To her I addressed my husband. And I asked him, what the hell are you doing. And he said and he was closing his eyes like this and he said, i'm listening to music. I'm like, aha. Said i'm going to the loop of peace. I find you there. You'll tell me what you're doing here really. So I went to the loop coming back. He wasn't there. He was in the bedroom sleeping. The following day I dismissed that I told her to go to the hospital because I don't find clearly a facility that can help packets at this particular moment. So as the left. Around a months later. When we were sitting with my husband, we were doing something. We just sitting down on a carpet. A lady is too right in front of us because we add our grilled doors. And, it took us time to know we were talking to Esther. Cause she was then. Thin, very thin. And you know. As she was talking, I was looking at her, then I said, esta is this you and she says, yes, mamma, name me, me. I'm like, how are you, she says, i'm fine. Come in. Said no, no, no mama, I just came to see if I can get the balance that I had left. And I said, yeah, how much was it, so she reminded me. And I told her, please come on Friday. I will handle something for you and I told her, Esther. How is the baby doing. And as I said. Mama, I had lots of problems. I wasn't sitting alone. My husband was next to me the entire time. My husband the George robbed and he was like this. He was like. His lips dried up. And I guess I looked at him just for a moment and continued to talk with this. And I asked us to what happened. He said nearly Patricia San. I had a steel butt. The baby died in my stomach and affected my urine. So I think that was like fistula. And she comes from a very poor family. They could not help. She was taken to kenyata hospital. And after being treated, their people couldn't pay. So she stayed also for a long time in the hospital. I I said. I'm very sorry I did not know. I'm very, very sorry. She said, yes, that's what happened to me. And I asked Esther Esther, would you like to resume your work, she jumped. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, thank you very much. I found somewhere else. I'm like, are you sure like here. I said, okay, fine, you come on Friday. It was nice to see you. So when as I left the first thing that my husband said. Aiyo ni jiao kampung jar. And I looked at him and I said, didn't you hear what that girl just said. No, no, you know, in the company there's no food, it's dry that cannot be hiv aids. And I knew that was his child. And I I I I didn't I didn't get it. I didn't address it. But I didn't get it. Like did you hear what she said. I kept on asking him. This girl went through so much. So. That was just one of the very many incidents. That ah took place with the. My husband and the house girls. After this, I think his behavior for cheating got too much for me. The creatures are point where he leaves house that is going to get something money for us and he spends the night out and it comes up with a crazy story like he was fixing.

A house in town, you know, things like that. There's a time I left and he convinced me to come back and we're starting off again. And when he realized now I am back and everything, he started to really torment me. And I remember he was beating me black and blue. And choking me. And it was so bad that he would come from my neck and my face. And I remember this one time it was about our daughter. Who wanted to go to school and the tie was missing and I said she's getting later. Let her go. I will look for the time. And I closed the door and I was beaten almost to death. And I remember I ran to the room and I called myself on the bed and I had my hands like this. And here came and I said, I whispered and I said. Please don't hurt me, don't help me. And he said, it's okay. He reached out and he was like patting me. I couldn't say go away because I was even scared and he said, no, no. It took it then I asked him I wasn't looking at him still. I asked him, why did you beat me. And they said, I don't know why. But i'm sorry. When I lifted my head up. He had his phone. And he was recording me and he was smiling. And I did not understand what that was. From that point he started sleeping. Everyday, shamelessly you do the walk of shame very happily and. And. He would wrap me whenever he wanted. And I I thought to myself. At that point I thought to myself. Even if love is over, there must be humanity. Surely. This is a young world.