Fearful Feelings

Paulina'S POV

The sun shined heavily on this Saturday afternoon, casting long shadows across the well mowed lawns in the compound of the Bowlers mansion. The grand dining hall gleamed with polished marble floors and glittering chandeliers, the air thick with the aroma of rich Italian cuisine. I usually do get tired of all these luxurious and exquisite set up, sometimes I wish we just have a simple minimalist home setup, but what can I do? Nothing!!!

The chefs and home cleaners tussled back an forth, almost colliding with each other as they made arrangements for the arrival of Joseph Sega and his men.

Joseph who is notable for his criminal sindicate and his very notorious drug trafficking gang, has shown likeness in my sister, Pamela, and now he is coming for proper introduction.

"Be careful with those dishes Zack" I yelled at the master chef.

Paulina why are you still not dressed up, is it until our esteemed visitors arive before you begin to get dressed? "My mum said to me as she headed towards the kitchen."

My parents have shown so much excitement towards the arrival of Joseph Sega, and i honestly do not share in the excitement. I do not know what kind of parent would give up their daughter's hand in marriage to a drug lord and a notorious criminal.

I have never seen Pamela this sad all her life, and ow she just has to pretend to be happy, and accept our parents wish because they gave birth to us? So disgusting.

While i was helping Pamela braid her hair, suddenly we heard the gates been opened, and these sets of luxurious vehicles began to troop in.

"Looks like they are finally here" I whispered to Pamela.

Immediately, I noticed the drop in Pamela's countenace. She was having any of this at all.

"Paulina, is it compulsory I show up for this introduction dinner? Can't I just run away?" Pamela saked me with tears in her eyes.

"Honey, you know that is not possible. I do not like to see you hurt or sad and I wish there was another way out of this, but running away is not the solution. You know how crazy papa can be, and you also know what he can do, so please let us play our cards well." I said.

"I hate that this happening to me. What have I done to deserve this treatment from Mum and Dad." Pam grumbled.

"It's going to be alright Pam. I am with you every step of the way, I want you to know that." I assured her.

After I was done with Pam's hair, we got dressed and headed towards the living room downstairs, to get the evening started. As we approached the living room, I told Pam to return back into the room because I felt that it was too early for her to be seen by her suitors.

****************

The room fell silent as Joseph Sega swept into the hall, his presence commanding attention. Dressed impeccably in a tailored suit, he exuded power and confidence, his eyes ablaze with intensity. Behind him trailed his loyal associates, each one a formidable figure in the MAfia world.

My father's face broke into a knowing smile as he greeted Joseph, clasping his hand in a firm handshake. "Joseph, you always know how to make an entrance hahaha" he chuckled, leading him to the head of the table.

Joseph returned the smile, his gaze flickering briefly to me, I met his eyes with a shy smile of mine, I instantly wished for the ground to swallow me up. "Mr Bowler, it's an honor to be here," he replied smoothly, his voice as smooth as silk.

I began to stare at the ceiling while the TV in the room droned on. Suddenly I zoned out and I could hardly hear the details of the ongoing conversation.

All I wish for right now is a life where I wasn't the daughter or family member of one of the most notorious mafia syndicate in the country.

**********************

His screams as he begged my father for compassion, while I cowered like a leaf in the corner, were still fresh in my mind. I glanced down, observing my neatly painted nails and soft hands.

It had been stained with blood that day.

********

I was pulled back to the present by the loud ticking of the clock.

I was so racked in guilt that my throat tightened and my breathing became laboured.

I instantly stood up, intending to run, but realising almost instantly that I had nowhere to go. I felt a surge of anger as I considered what my father is forcing my sister to do. It was as though the walls of the living room were closing up around me and I was going to suffocate if I remained where I was and so I dashed out blindly, heading to nowhere in particular; my breath coming out in short pants.

I rammed headlong into him; my future brother-in-law.

His arms wrapped around me right away. It was getting very dark, and I'm not sure how I knew he was the one. It had to do with his smell; anytime he was near, I couldn't help but inhale deeply since it was the most intoxicating thing I had experienced in a long time.

"Are you okay?" His deep baritone voice interrupted my thoughts.

The hairs on my neck stood on end as I stayed in his arms. My head was screaming for me to turn around and flee back to where I had come from, but I was unable to free myself and just stood there trembling like a leaf.

"You are shaking." He said, bringing my face up to meet his.

It was dark, as I mentioned, but I could picture his captivating blue eyes looking down at my face. I was instantly thankful for the darkness because it made me feel warm all over.

"I am fine, I was heading to the kitchen and you scared me." I said lamely, extricating myself from his strong grasp.

“Hello young woman, you will not speak like that to our guests. Now come back here and apologize” My father screamed at me.

I slid away and past him, my breasts brushing his arm.

“Paulina, can’t you hear me?” Father said.

I ignored his call and increased my pace, I bit my tongue to keep the moan from escaping my throat and all, fled past the foyer and into the kitchen. It was probably just my being overly aware of the man but I could feel his stare follow me, boring into my back; branding me.

"Paulina, it is about time. You are always copped up in your room all day my sweet girl" my mamma said as soon as I entered the kitchen.

I smiled awkwardly and kissed her on the cheek, she hadn't called me 'sweet girl' in a while and I just thought maybe it was because I was older now and plenty things had changed since the incident.

"I'm sorry mamma, sometimes I just want to be alone." I told her, standing by the corner as I watched her cook.

She was always ever so delightful to watch in the kitchen that sometimes I think my papa married her only for her food.

My mamma had married Tommy Bowler, the most wanted mafia Lord and top criminal on the FBI's list but she always acted like she was some ordinary woman and married to a farmer. She always paid no mind to my papa's business affairs and in return she enjoyed every benefit befitting the wife of a president.

When I was younger, I used to hate her naivety and the way she so easily brushed off matters that should have been of utmost concern. Matters like my papa's affair with a top model in South Korea when he allegedly went on a business trip.

It was all over the news and when I had called my mamma's attention to it, she had merely shrugged and ushered my sister and I off to bed like it was nothing of concern.

My papa had returned with so many gifts and the matter was never spoken of; at least not to my hearing and I was angry at her for days until I realized it was her own way of coping with the situation and about her not being able to do anything about it.

"You are always day dreaming, your father is mighty angry at you." She said, glancing in my direction before returning her eyes to the cooking she had going on.

I rolled my eyes at the mention of my papa's name, he was always angry at me and so it wasn't a new thing. I wondered why my mother always mentioned it, it wasn't like I cared anymore.

"Papa is always angry at me; I don't see the big deal anymore. I am sure he is even angrier now after the stunt I just pulled" I told her.

"See the way you talk? No wonder the man is so unhappy.

What other stunt have you pulled again, Uhn? After what you did the last time”

The stunt was me eloping with the son of our then gardener and it had happened about a year ago but my mamma never failed to remind me of it and my papa made sure to tell everyone who cared to listen that I was ruined and soiled for life. What he failed to mention was that he had tortured and murdered the boy while I watched and he had made sure to send his body in a box to his family, warning them to get out of the country and far away from him while they could.

It has been over a year but I could still recall his screams and pleas for mercy as my papa cut off his fingers one after the other.

"That is for touching my precious daughter." He had said.

He had bundled a shocked me into his car without a word and had ordered his men to box the dissected mess that was once the boy. I was shivering by the time I got home and still without a word, he had carried me to my room and called my mamma to attend to me.

It was there and then; I was sure about the animal my papa was. I did not speak for days and when I finally did... when my senses finally returned from wherever they went to, I wept for the boy I had lost.

"I don't want to talk about it, mamma. I will be returning to my room." I told her and walked away but not before I heard her tell me to apologize to my papa.

Let it rest, it has been over a year, I thought as I shook my head.

“I should apologize to him for murdering someone else’s son or for how he is treating Pamela by forcing her to get married to a criminal like himself?” I yelled

“I will not let tou speak like that about your father. Everything he has done and is doing, is to protect you and your sister. Never forget that. So now go get set for dinner”

As I burst out of the kitchen in anger, I bumped into him again but this time I was able to stop myself from fully crashing into the hulk of a man.

"I am so sorry, I did not see you there." I told him, glancing up to his face and immediately regretting it.

"If I did not know better, miss Bowler. I would think you are running into me on purpose." He said, his blue eyes lighting up with mischief.

I swallowed painfully as my mouth parted trying to form words, this was one dangerous man, and some part of me is kinda grateful that he was getting married to my sister and not me.