The Love I Hate

Birds sang their morning songs at the branches of the trees that grew right at the back of my room, I could hear them chirp, their lovely, tiny, unheard words. How I wished I could hear what they say. Sometimes every morning, at the edge of my window, I do see a particular tiny bird, with beautiful color. It has white at the head part with yellow and black feathers. It keeps hitting my window with its mouth until someone finally gets to open the windows. I stretched my hands towards it and it flew into my palm. Caressing the warmth with its feathers and then suddenly, it flew.

I could watch the view of it flying over and over and over again. I wish I was that beautiful, as beautiful as that bird, then maybe, just maybe, I will be treated right.

It was early Monday morning, the school was on break so I was at home with my family. Though I am always at home with my family, it is just that I prefer to spend most of my days in school than to spend it at home.

Don't get me wrong, I ain't saying I don't love my family or anything, all I am saying is that, sometimes I can't stand them, there are a lot to handle.

My name is Anita. Anita haliday, and I am from a family of five.

My Dad, who is an editor, My mom, she manages a restaurant downtown, my elder brother Michael, who does absolutely nothing but brings in his girlfriend to the house when our parents aren't around. And my Twin sister Alicia. I call her the Sassy princess. What can I say? We used to look so much alike until she went ahead and made her hair blonde, and she ate a lot so she could have the "butt and burst" guys like. And then me. Am just here, nothing to do, no boyfriend, my best friend Ella is practically worse than myself cause other than the fact that she is a brainiac, People call us Nerds and sometimes we are not allowed to communicate with other people in our school, or classes because they feel we don't matter. "How painful" I sighed.

We all attended the same school, Me, My twin sister and my best friend Greta, after high school, we went to Centro Escolar University right there in Manila, it wasn't really far from where we stay in Valenzuela, sometimes we take a bus, but most times our parents drops us off we can be highly embarrassing at times. There where a lot of cute guys in the school, and to be honest, I had a crush on like Ten of them, Mario, He's always been my childhood crush, he's extremely cute, we grew up in the same place while we were in America, and somehow, we both met again in Philippine attending the same school, he has a nice scent and I could tell when he's coming from the scent on his shirt, but he has a girlfriend, the most annoying girl on campus, My sister's best friend. I really want to puke right now. And then there's Gabriel, I call him Gabe. He's really handsome, if I am not mistaken, he happened to be in the top five most handsome guys in the school. With curly hair, and broad shoulders, eyes like a cat and Strong hands that could hold me really tight on bed. I have never ever ever ever, spoken to him before, and I don't plan to, a lot of girls rally around him, they will laugh at me so hard that I may even end up commiting suicide. One thing you should learn about my School is that if you ain't among the popular kids in school, you had better off remain popular, cause it takes a lot to be the talk of the school, I don't know how my sister got to be among the popular student in the school, but all I can say is that she fake her Lifestyle a lot. And then we have christian, oh my, hold up, let me take a sigh of relief, he's a third year student just like Myself and to wrap it all up, we happen to be in the same class. We study the same thing, that's what I mean. To cut the the long story short, he is the most handsome guy In the whole of Centro Escolar University, Girls flock around him like sheep without shepherd, he's dark, he's an American, he's got blue eyes, braided hair, muscles, you know, Those packs that girls want, he's shoulders are extensively wide and I bet when ever I get the chance to high him, I may not feel cold ever again. He's only spoken to me once, and winked at me once down the hallway. I was shocked and until now, I can bet that after that wink was when I started falling for him. Kept thinking about him all night, maybe I should right to him and tell him how i feel since he has no girlfriend. And I don't have any boyfriend either. It's really tiring when am turning nineteen years and still a stunt virgin. Did I mention that Alicia have a boyfriend? Even my parent knows about him, and somehow they don't allow me to have male friends. My parent calls them " A distraction"

We are just a random American citizen living in the far end of a town in Philippine. although my mum is a Philippine woman but for some reasons she wants us to have more of the American accent and Life style. Reasons best known to her. lucky for me I had lot of friends their parent also came to Philippine to resides, but still yet, sometimes I get bored. Growing up I had a lots of up and down, and even up till now. My trust issues is zero percent but am working on it, I don't believe anyone but myself. I feel I need a therapy sometimes sounds fun y though but it's true. I may go nut if I don't get one soonest. A lot of things are really happening and I need to keep my head intact. Plus, am scared of a lot of things.

Growing up I felt the urge of always making my parent proud, to be the best child among all of us, was scared of failure, was scared of losing, am never the type that gives up on my dream, but something tells me that this year is going to be different, either good or bad. And I am going to accept my fate the way I see it. Sometimes I wish I was the only female child. I wish I don't have a sister especially not a twin sister, Alicia most times makes my life miserable and little by little, Ella whom I thought was my best friend. Made my life worst. How can one make you trust them, make you feel so comfortable with them and still yet they hate you and go behind to kill you. My dad always say that. "No matter what you do, you should try as much as possible to be of good example for other people to learn from. "He would also say that our life sho be a story to tell to the coming generations, so they won't make whatsoever mistake we made."

"Daddy, what is your story? I always ask. I was still really small then. And he doesn't reply to me. He will just laugh and tap my hair and then he will walk away."

But now, everyone is all grown up. We are supposed to know what is right and what is wrong. I don't know about Alicia but I personally choose to be a good example to people just like my dad always says.