Where Are My Emotions

"Hey, mom, dad. It’s been a while,” Samantha whispered as she slowly leaned down to place the tulips bouquet, she bought from a flower shop on her way to the cemetery.

She stared at the grave stone where her parents' names were carved and slowly brush the dusts off with her bare hands.

“Daniel Brown, Josefina Brown...” she read, eyes shifting on the identification card clipped on the collar of her white coat.

“Samantha Shane Andersen...” she continued with a faint laugh. “It's been 20 years and I still can’t understand how the two of you could hate your own child like this.”

A sigh escaped her lips, pointing her ID. “Do you see this mom, dad? I am now a licensed psychiatrist,” her voice broke into soft sobs. “I-I have now the job, the two of you, wanted me to have. I also have my own office now. It was quite spacious, but I'll be buying some stuffs to make it more comfortable just like home.”

Her lips suddenly thinned. “Am I now worthy of your love?” Her breaths went heavy when the wind started caressing her back as if it's empathizing with her. Indeed, Samantha is a lonely woman and she’s extremely good at hiding it behind her cold image; even her best friend won’t notice.

“Well, forget it. After all, none of you are here to witness everything I’ve accomplished anyway. You might even still choose not to see anything even if the two of you are living.”

The tone of her voice went down, eyes switching on the scars on her wrists from the beating she gained from her parents when they were still alive as she has been held responsible for the disappearance of her twin sister.

Agatha Shye Brown is best child a couple could ever have: pretty, smart, kind, talented, responsible, and any good or even best a child could be described.

On the other side of the story lies Samantha Shane Brown whose surname has been changed into Andersen by her own parents after Agatha disappeared.

Samantha’s not as smart and not as pretty as her sister despite being twins. She doesn’t know how to take good care of her looks. She's stupid, dumb, and doesn't even have any talent at all—at least that’s what her parents are making her feel. With such reasons, she tried so hard to reach her sister’s level but couldn’t. Although she eventually finished college with the help of her friends, her parents were no longer living to see her succeed as they died the day of her graduation in a car accident.

Thinned lips, she smiled and turned against her heels to where her car is—to where a black motorcycle had been parked just behind it.

The driver removed his helmet, revealing the slightly-mad face of her boyfriend, Scott.

“You left me again!” He scoffed, twitching his lips in dismay.

“No, I didn't,” her voice is rather monotonous. “I've been very specific for you to be in my office at exactly 4 PM or forget it. Haven't I made myself clear?”

She rolled her eyes and attempted to get in her car without any further explanation but he was just in time to hold her by the arm.

“Why are you always so mean, really?”

She cocked a brow and measured him with her stares. “We’re still on our second month, Scott, so don't expect you can already read me.”

“Don't you just Scott me, missy!” The corners of his lips curled. “It should be babe. And may I remind you, miss Andersen, you’re so damn impossible to read. I’ve tried reading between the lines ever since the day I've decided to be your man, but still got nothing. Were you using, perhaps, using a different language?” He tapped his chin. “And technically, we’ve been dating for six months. SIX. SOLID. MONTHS!” He emphasized.

Seeing that her boyfriend is starting to act all cute, she couldn’t help but smile secretly. She closed her eyes to regain composure and heaved out an exasperated sigh.

“I'm sorry. I-I'm just really tired from work.”

“I know,” he smiled and gave her a hug. “Just tell me if ever you're having a hard time. I'll help.”

She looked up to meet her boyfriend's not-so-angelic face. “Really?” She beamed.

“Of course,” he beamed back. “Anything for you, babe.”

“Anything, ah?” Samantha’s grin sent Scott batting his eyes in realization.

“You're not gonna make me analyze your patients’ problems, aren't you? Because, you know, I'm a chef.”

“You're so damn judgmental!” Her lips folded into a thin line. “I was just thinking of you cooking my favorite foods now.”

“Hahaha I know... I know!”

They headed towards Samantha’s house and a moment after arriving, her best friend, Kathleen, called and asked if she and her boyfriend could come to visit. She agreed. Scott also called some of his friends, who are also Samantha’s friends, to join in.

The two sat on the couch near the balcony while waiting. It’s almost sunset and the full moon is now showing up. Samantha wrapped her arms around Scott's waist and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Babe?” Scott’s breath brushed against his girlfriend’s wavy hair.

“Yeah?”

“Don't you have any plans on selling this house?” A muscle in Samantha’s jaw clenched that Scott had to lay back a bit.

“Why would I?”

“I-I mean... it’s getting really old and don’t you want to have a new life somewhere?” He whispered, eyes shifting from her and back to the flaming sky. “You know... with me.”

She sought. “You know I can't leave this place, babe.”

“But why?” He asked, voice raising which took her aback. Samantha's lips parted and moved away from him completely. “I-I'm sorry, babe. I didn't mean to,” he stuttered.

She only flashed him a bitter smile and looked away. “I thought I already made it clear.”

“I know b-but I just can't just seem to understand. I'm your boyfriend, Sam. You know you can tell me everything. Asking for help sometimes doesn’t hurt.”

“I wanted to tell you everything, I really do. But now’s not the right time. Eventually, you'll find out why,” Samantha’s voice went softer and softer in each word; Scott’s shoulders dropped in defeat.

“Yeah whatever, babe! I'll just wait for that time then. Just come back here,” he held both of her hands and pulled her back for a tight hug.

“I love you so much even if sometimes I really can't understand you,” he giggled.

“Is that even a good thing?” She moaned.

“Ahh...” he paused, tapping his chin as if he’s in a deep thought.

“Whatever, Scottttttt,” she intoned, pushing him down the couch and started tickling him but he was able to block all her attempted attacks.

“Oh woah! So, this is what you want, eh?!”

Samantha gasped when he suddenly grabbed her by the hand and switched their places by force. He even added weight on her thighs leaving her immobile to his next moves.

“H-how dare you do this to your girlfriend?!”

She shrieked, trying to free herself from his grasps, but it was no use. No matter how you look at it, she's only a David trying to take down a Goliath.

“Oh, ho ho!” He taunted. "Don’t be such a crybaby and accept your defeat, my little princess! Samantha, 2. Scott, 5!”

“Mine's 3, you jerk!” She corrected and nodded sarcastically. “So, you want it the hard way?”

“Dare me!" He grinned. Samantha stared at him for a couple of seconds, closed her eyes and slowly opened them with a smile––the sweetest smile she got.

“This David will never lose,” she thought to herself. All of the sudden, Scott’s face gloomed in horror.

“Don't use that on me. That's technically cheating!”