Three Men on the Bummel

told for the first time-The French joke, as provided for the amusement of British youth-Fatherly instincts of Harris-The road-waterer, considere

d to Berlin by way of Hanover. It is not the most direct route. I can only account for our visit t

el

stable sez is quite tru

ing with a sack, pray, in Deacon Abraham's

sa Jordan's wid a sack of melons. Yes, sar; an' Massa Jo

is Massa Jordan. An' dar we

know is what you were doing

' den I sez ter mysel', sez I, now yer jest step out with yer best leg foremost, Ulysse

his town besides your wife. Deacon Abraham's house is half a mil

m a-gwine ter

t. And how do you

kin', sar, I mus

we digress

ith a sixteenth-century town, where old timbered houses overhang the narrow lanes; where through low archways one catches glimpses of galleried courtyards, once often thronged, no doubt, with troops of horse, or b

nier London. Nor was this British Sunday atmosphere apparent only to myself, else I might have attributed it to imagination; even George felt it. Harris a

t appeals to the man with English blood in his veins. I should be sorry to

d of the ample settee,

Posen wishful to converse with men of Wurtemburg, have to talk as often as not in French or English; and young ladies who have received an expensive education in Westphalia surprise and disappoint their parents by being unable to understand a word said to them in Mechlenberg. An English-speaking foreigner, it is true, would find himself equally nonplussed among the Yorkshire wolds, or in the purlieus of Whitecha

easiest language of any to learn. A German, comparing it with his own language, where every word in every sentence is governed by at least four distinct and separate rules, tells you that English has no grammar. A good many English people would seem to have come to the same conclusion; but they are wrong. As a matter of fact, there is an English grammar, and one of these days our schools will recognise the fact, and it will be taught to

nditure of time and money is perhaps unequalled. An English boy who has been through a good middle-class school in England can talk to a Frenchman, slowly and with difficulty, about female gardeners and aunts; conversation which, to a man possessed perhaps of neither, is liable to pall. Possibly, if he be a bright exception, he may be able to tell the time, or make a few guarded observ

s originally written for a joke, by a witty Frenchman who had resided for some years in England. He intended it as a satire upon the conversational powers of British society. F

author, "is very clever. I have laugh

d the pleased Frenchman. "I tried to be tru

manager; "and yet published as a h

hor's f

ness point of view that portion of the public are never worth considering. But I have an idea," continued the manager. He glanced round the room t

stared, s

exactly fit in with his method. Nothing sillier, nothing more useless for the purpose w

ted. They altered the title and added a voca

h philological education. If it no longer retains its ubiquity, it is becaus

lerable fluency. There his qualifications cease. Invariably he is a man with a quite remarkable inability to teach anybody anything. Indeed, he would seem to be chosen not so much as an instructor as an amuser of youth. He is always a comic figure. No Frenchman of a dignified appearance would be engaged for any English school. If he possess by nature a few harmless peculiarities, calculated to cause merriment, so much the more is he

. Why we waste time in teaching even French according to this method I have never been able to understand. A perfect unacquaintance with a language is respectable. But putting

t inside and out as thoroughly as he knows his own. Maybe this system does not provide the German youth with that perfection of foreign accent for which the British tourist is in every land remarkable, but it has other advantages. The boy does not call his master "froggy," or "sausage," nor prepare for the French or English hour any exhibition of homely wi

to criticise them: but on the other hand there is much that we might learn from them; and in the matter of

over on the south and west, and here occurred a

w. She was evidently a novice on the bicycle. One felt instinctively that there would come a moment when she would require help, and Harris, with his accustomed chivalry, suggested we should keep near her. Harris, as he occasionally explains to George and to myself, has daughters of his own, or, to speak more correc

rted at each joint by a pair of tiny wheels, writhed after him as he moved, suggesting a gigantic-worm, from whose open neck, as the man, gripping it firmly in

re on all British institutions. "How much simpler, quicker, and more economical! You see, one man by this method ca

so a method by which with a little carelessness a man could cover a good

ember George quite patriotically indignant with Harris once f

ch neater,"

George; "I'm an Englishman;

ly make you uncomfortable about the legs, and you can avoid it. This is the s

n Strassburg cover every inch of ground, and not so much as wet an apron string. It is marvellous how they judge their dista

te," said Georg

performers in this line, as Harris says; this particular artist appears to me to lack something. He h

id Harris; "he

rge, saying which he jumped off, and, taking up a position behind

d him, leaving the machine against a tree. Harris shouted something or oth

er, we had forgotten. She was riding her machine steadily and straightly through a drenching shower of water from the hose. She appeared to be too paralysed either to get off or turn her wheel aside. Every instant s

out with the same coolness and judgment he then displayed, he would have emerged from that incident the hero of the hour, instead of, as happened, riding away follo

rwards, was to take away the hose from the man, and, for punishment, turn it upon the fool himself. The waterman's idea appeared to be the same, namely, to retain the hose as a weapon with which to soak Harris. Of course, the result was that, between them, they soused every dead and living thing within fifty yards, except themselves. One furious man, too drenched to care what more h

In forty-five seconds, so George said, who was timing it, they had swept that circus bare of every living thing except one dog, who, dripping like a water nymph, rolled over by the

nd, and flew into the woods. From behind every

o the hydrant, where still stood the iron key, and screwed it down. And then from fort

is's remains back to the hotel. I consider that George's promptness on that occasion saved Harris's life. Being dry, and

ow we belong to you, and you may trust us implicitly not to reveal the secret.

a street hose on him at a distance of five-and-twenty yards, and take his opinion afterwards, as to whether "sprinkled" is the adequate term, but he has declined the test. Again, he insists there could not have been more than half a dozen people, at the outside, involved in the catastrophe, that forty is a ridiculous mis

rming, where acting is considered of more importance than scenery or dress, where long runs are unknown, successful pieces being played again and again, but never consecutively, so that for a week running you may go to the same Berlin theatre, and see a fresh play every night; its opera house unworthy of it; its two music halls, with an unnecessary suggestion of vulga

r the theatre-a drive to them taking half an hour in a swift sleigh-do not practically begin till twelve. Through the Neva at four o'clock in the morning you have to literally push your way; and the favourite trains for travellers are those sta

s and woods. Here in the shady ways of its quiet, far-stretching park of Sans Sou

us to a droschke driver, under whose guidance, so he assured us, we should see everything worth seeing in the shortest possible time. The man himself, who called for us at nine o'clock in the morning, was all that could be desired. He was bright, inte

oked me up and down with a cold, glassy eye; and then he looked across at another horse, a friend of his that was

s

come across in the su

opard do trick's with his neck that compelled one's attention, but this animal was more like the thing one dreams of after a dusty days at Ascot, followed by a dinner with six old chums. If I had

y grow them"; and then he commenced licking flies off his own left shoulder. I began

oked rather neat. He wore a white flannel knickerbocker suit, which he had had made specially for bi

Harris and the driver standing on the pavement. His owner called to him to stop, but he took no notice. They ran after us, and overtook us at the cor

I? Who asked for your opinion? Aye, li

turning up the Dorotheen Strasse on hi

t's get the job over, and, where poss

ut the Thiergarten, and then descanted to us of the Reichstag House. He informed us of its exact height, length, and breadth, after the mann

its leisure licking its own legs, turned round i

This time he said it was an i

ceed up the Linden. His owner expostulated with him, but he continued to trot on.

. As for the rest, you don't know what you are talking about,

sufficiently long to enable us to have a good look at each sight, and to hear the name

hey look, they can get better information than this old fool of mine is giving them from the guide book. Who wants to know how high a steeple is? You don't remember it the next five mi

t sense on its side. Anyhow, I know there have been occasions,

as the Scotch say, and at the time we c