Three Men on the Bummel

nner: His disappointments-The German Sinner: His exceptional advantages-What you may not do with your bed-An inexpensive vice-The German dog: His simple goodness-The misbehaviour

ther, managed, between Nuremberg and

ttle that one need to go out of one's way to see: a medium-sized picture gallery, a small museum of antiquities, and half a palace, and you are through with the entire th

ates stopped Harris, and pointed out to him this notice. Harris thanked him, and passed on. The man came after him, and explained that treatment of the matter in such off-hand way could not be allowed; what was necessary to put the business right was that Harris should step back over the wire into the garden. Harris pointed out to the man that the notice said "going through forbidden," and that, therefore,

noticed, as I thought, Harris's bicycle still in the goods van. No one was about to help me. I jumped into the van and hauled it out, only just in time. Wheeling it dow

; and if any one of the half dozen happens not to be handy, or not to have time just then to listen to you, they have a habit of leaving you over for the night to finish your explanation the next morning. I thought I would just put the thing out of sight, and then, withou

doing with t

to convey by my tone that I was performing a kind and thoughtful action,

r bicycle?

exactly,"

" he asked, q

answered. "I don't kno

t question. There was a suspiciousness a

ch calm dignity as at the moment I

tinued, frankly, "I

inish. He merely said he thou

iend, an official of some importance. Upon what would have been my fate had the station not been at Carlsruhe, or had my friend been from home, I do not care to dwell; as it was I got off, as the saying is, by the skin of

be, he had gone on to Baden by himself; and anxious to get away from Carlsruhe, and not, perhaps, thinking out things too clearly, we jumped into the next train that came up and proceeded thither. When George, tired of waiting, returned to the station, he found us gone and he found his luggage gone. Harris had his

es you away. Where are your credentials? You show him your ticket. He explains to you that by itself that is of no service whatever; you have only taken the first step towards travelling; you must go back to the booking-office and get in addition what is called a "schnellzug ticket." With this you re

t way? Or could he stick a label on himself and get into the goods van? Again, what could be done with the man who, having taken his schnellzug ticket, ob

slow train ticket to Baden, and that was all. To avoid the inquisitivene

s his f

ng a train

arned not to do s

ond

f superior class to that

by an official. (George says he did not "refu

rd

of superior class to that

urned his pockets out, and offered the man all he had, which was about eightpence in German money. He offered to go

rth

seat, and not

t him sit down without paying, and as he could not

any; and his journey from Carlsruhe to Baden w

the eater of dinners at the Temple, to the subaltern on leave, life in London is a wearisome proceeding. The healthy Briton takes his pleasure lawlessly, or it is no pleasure to him. Nothing that he may do affords to him any genuine

summoned for creating the usual disturbance the night before at the Criterion. My friend the churchwarden has boys of his own, and a nephew of mine, upon whom I am keeping a fatherly eye, is by a fond mother supposed to be in

riterion retains its position in this respect. It was just so when I

ngless,"

nd Jerryism. I stole it late one night from outside a public-house in Dean Street, and the first thing that happened to me was that I was hailed in Golden Square by an old lady surrounded by three children, two of them crying and the third one half asleep. Before I could get away she had shot the brats into the cab, taken my number, paid me, so she said, a shilling over the legal fare, and directed me to an address a little beyond what she called North Kensington. As a matter of fact, the place turned out to be the other side of Willesden. The horse was tired, and the journey took us well over two hours. It was the slowest lark I ever remember being concerned in. I tried once or twice to persuade the children to let me take them back to the old lady: but every time I opened the trap-door to speak to them the youngest one, a boy, started screaming; and when I offered other driv

do that are quite easy to do. To any young Englishman yearning to get himself into a scrape, and finding himself hampered in

st not hang your bed out of window. He might begin with that. By waving his bed out of window he could get into trouble before he had his breakfast. At home he m

him why he was wearing them. He replied, to keep himself warm. They told him frankly that they did not believe him, and sent him back to his lodgings in a closed landau. The personal testimony of the English Minister was necessary to assure the authorities that the Highland garb was the customary dress of many respectable, law-abiding British subj

some properly authorised place. You must not break glass or china in the street, nor, in fact, in any public resort whatever; and if you do, you must pick up all the pieces. What you are to do with the pieces when you have gathered them together I cannot say. The only thing I know for

lect upon this omission. Then he will straightway set to work and frame a clause forbidding people from standing on their heads in the middle of the road, and fixing a fine. This is the charm of German law: misdemeanour in Germany has its fixed price. You are not kept awake all night, as in England, wondering whether you will get off with a caution, be fined forty shillings, or, catching the magistrate in an unhappy moment for yourself, get seven days. You know exac

felt himself competent to fix the exact number. I once put it to a German friend who was starting for the theatre with his wife, his mother-in-law, five children of his own,

" he said; "you see, w

mean it in any uncomplimentary sense, but, speaking etymologically, I am inclined personally to regard your colle

not to run any risk of having the party broken up by the police at the very beginnin

an odd egg I found on the kitchen table, an empty soda-water bottle, and a few articles of that sort,-and, opening the window, bombarded the spot from where the noise appeared to come. I do not suppose I hit anything; I never knew a man who did hit a cat, even when he could see it, except, maybe, by accident when aiming

n minutes afterwards there came a violent ringing of the electric bell. I tried to ignore it, but it was too persistent, and, putting on my dressing gown, I went down to the gate. A poli

se thing

nally I have done with them. Anybo

d my offe

ese things ou

ht," I admit

German policeman has his code of questions arranged

f the window at som

ats?" h

was ashamed to say I could not tell him what cats. I explained that, personally, they were strangers to me; but I offered, i

fine for joking with any German uniform; they call it "treating an official with contumely." He merely replied that it was n

e an information against the owner of the cat, when the police would proceed to caution him, and, if necessary, order the c

ned to argue with him any more after that; I should only have said things that would have made the matter worse. As it was, that night's sport cost me twelve ma

putting a paw on it. If you see a dog scampering across the grass in Germany, you may know for certain that it is the dog of some unholy foreigner. In England, when we want to keep dogs out of places, we put up wire netting, six feet high, supported by buttresses, and defended on the top by spikes. In Germany, they put a notice-board in the middle of the place, "Hunden verboten," and a dog that has German blood in its veins lo

There are special paths for "wheel-riders" and special paths for "foot-goers," avenues for "horse-riders," roads for people in light vehicles, and roads for people in heavy

ess and bewildered, in the centre of seven tracks. Each was guarded by a threat

rning I could speak English and read German, "but woul

t she was a "grown-up" and a "foot-goer," and pointed o

down there," she said;

!" I replied. "That path

d lady, with a smile. She did not look the sor

ou of the laws of this country. For you, a full-grown woman, to venture down that path is to go to certain fine, if not imprisonment. There is your

n the direction I want t

you ought to want to go,"

to touch the woodwork with his muddy boots. Imagine a seat in Regent's or St. James's Park labelled "Only for grown-ups!" Every child for five miles round would be trying to get on that seat, and hauling other children off who were on. As for any "grown-up," he would never be abl

him, each one supplied with a heap of sand. There he can play to his heart's content at making mud pies and building sand castles. To the German

anufactured in the place planned and maintained by the Government for the making of mud pies. It can bring no real blessing with it; it is a la

ambulator, and you must not go too fast. You must not get in anybody's way with a perambulator, and if anybody gets in your way you must get out of their way. If you want to stop with a perambulator, you must go to a place specially appointed where perambulators may stop; and when you get there you must stop. You must not cross the road with a perambulator; if you and the baby happen to live on the o

else play it, after eleven o'clock at night; but that is a very different thing to being told that you must not play it. Here, in Germany, I never feel that I really care for the piano until eleven o'clock, then I could sit and l

having the next morning to tip the policeman who has found him and brought him home. But for this purpose he must choose the gutters of side-streets. The German student, conscious of the rapid approach of oblivion, uses all his remaining energy to get round the corner, where he may collapse without anxiety. In certain districts he may ring bells. The rent of flats in these lo

ewise, he may shout and sing as he walks home, up till half-past two; and at certain restaurants it is permitted to him to put his arm round the Fraulein's waist. To prevent any suggestion of unseemliness, the waitresses at rest

-abiding peopl