My Love, My Muse

Sipping my coffee, I stare at the wedding invitation: Jamie Chang, my childhood best friend and the guy I've been in love with for so long, is getting married to someone else. I regret not confessing my feelings. Seeing him so happy with her and how he looks at her makes my heart ache. He's always seen me as his best friend, his "twin flame" as he'd say, while Alyssa is the one who completes him. When he came to tell me he was proposing, I genuinely felt happy for him. I never found the courage to reveal my feelings. This secret is gnawing at me, becoming more painful by the day.

I can't let anyone see my pain. Alyssa is the sweetest person I've ever met, and they're truly in love. There's no changing that.

After finishing my coffee, I head to the library. It's been six months since graduation, and I'm now working as a librarian. It wasn't what I envisioned, and my father disapproved, but I've long stopped caring about his opinions. I've harbored resentment towards him since I was a child. Being a librarian has its perks: I read as much as I want in a peaceful environment, away from the noise of immature kids.

I walk over to my desk.

As I sit down, Anna approaches. She's always been a cheery, beautiful presence. With her olive skin and dark curls that cascade to her waist, she's strikingly different from my pale skin and red hair. We became friends on the first day of college and have been inseparable since. Though she moved in with her boyfriend after graduation, she now works at the café near the library. I missed her, but we still hang out whenever we can, mostly listening to her vent about her boyfriend, Evan.

"Hey! Ready to dive into your thrilling library work?" she says, taking a seat on my desk. I struggle to force a smile.

"Ready as ever," I reply, but the forced cheerfulness doesn't escape her notice.

"What's wrong, Mia?" she asks, concern evident in her tone.

I wish I could maintain the facade that everything is okay when, in reality, I feel like a million shattered glasses falling to the floor. I pull the invitation from my bag and hand it to her.

"He's getting married..." I murmur, staring down as tears threaten to fall.

Anna knows about my feelings for Jamie; she's the only one who does. I regret not following her advice to tell him how I felt, but deep down, I knew Jamie never saw me as anything more than a friend. It was always a platonic love from his side. Despite knowing this, I continued to love him. I knew this day would come, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. I need to accept it, whether today or tomorrow.

"I'm so sorry, Em. I didn't know," she says, gently wiping away my tears.

"Don't be, Ann. I was the first he told. He proposed three days ago, and they're getting married this week," I say, taking the tissue from her and drying my face.

"So soon? What's the rush?" she asks, scanning the invitation.

"Jamie said he couldn't wait to start a new life. I'm happy for him and Alyssa," I say, mustering a smile.

"But what about your happiness?" she asks, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"He was never meant to be mine. I was just lost in my fantasy. I can't stay like this forever, feeling this way about a married man," I tell her, frustration seeping into my voice.

Anna seems lost in thought before she says, "Take the day off. We're going shopping!"

I look at her in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"Absolutely. You need to take your mind off things. Plus, you need a new dress for the wedding. You're going to get a plus one right?" She pulls out her phone and calls her boss to arrange the day off for me.

"Uhh- I don't have anyone and you'll probably get the invitation by today. So, no." I say to her.

"No way, you have to take a guy with you. Trust me, Jamie knows that you love him. You need to show him that you're over him."

I shake my head but realize she's right. I need a break and a date and a dress. I get up and walk to Mrs. Dove's office, knocking softly before entering.

"Is everything okay, dear? Take a seat," Mrs. Dove asks with concern.

"I just needed the day off," I explain, feeling guilty. Mrs. Dove, an elderly woman in her 50s, would be left with all the work if I took the day off. I almost reconsidered when she started laughing.

"Finally! A day off, you say? Take the whole week if you want. I could use the rest too," she says cheerfully.

"Thank you, Mrs. Dove," I say, smiling. Mrs. Dove has been like a mother to me, taking care of me with kindness and warmth. I wish her children were around; they should be the ones caring for her.

"Just remember to take your medicine and call me if you need anything," I say as I leave her office and head back to Anna.

We left the library, and I quickly changed into more suitable clothes before heading to the mall. Near the entrance, a young woman is handing out leaflets. I take one and scan it.

"What's that?" Anna asks, peering at the leaflet.

"It's for a painting workshop tomorrow. You can bring a partner for your model," I explain. Since I love art as much as reading, this caught my interest. I need a distraction, and Anna is the only person I can ask.

"That sounds fun. Let's go! I'll finish my shift early," Anna says before I can ask her.

"Perfect. Mrs. Dove already gave me the week off, so it would be a waste not to go," I reply, still examining the leaflet.

"Great, let's find you a dress," she says, taking my hand and leading me further into the mall.

We spend hours trying on countless dresses before finally finding one we both like. After shopping, we grab some food and head home.

When I return to my apartment, I close the door and collapse onto the floor. It's becoming harder to pretend. I pull my knees to my chest and cry until I'm exhausted, then take a shower and collapse into bed. The comfort of the silk mattress welcomes me, and I fall asleep almost instantly.