Heal with my heart

“Please don't. I'm begging you please.”

“I like it when you beg me Mia. It makes you look even more beautiful.”

“Please you're a good person, don't do this to me.”

“The tears in your eyes just makes your green eyes shine brighter. Wow look at that, so beautiful. I always craved you and now I can finally taste you.”

I could hear myself screaming but I felt paralyzed by fear.

“Mia! Mia! Mia! Please wake up.

I woke up and a piercing scream escaped from my mouth. I clung to my best friend Rue while wild tears flowed down my face. It happened again, I couldn't believe that I had the same dream again after trying everything I could to stop having those dreams. Was I crazy? Was my mind sick or was I just weak? It happened 3 years ago but I still think about it. I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing, my tears had already soaked Rue's T-shirt. I stayed in Rue's arms for an hour watching my tears soak her shirt and then fade away. I wish my memories could fade away just like my tears do but I knew that was wishful thinking. Anyone who had to experience half of what I had been through would have killed themselves by now but I kept believing that I was in this world for something else other than pain.

I would like to believe I was a strong person with a weak mind but that would be a lie and I hate liars. I have to give my mind props for not going mad. The little monster was adamant it wouldn't break. I wonder if I will ever find peace in my life. I just keep moving from one struggle to the other. When will I find peace? Question should be will I ever find peace. I think there are just people destined to not be happy in this world, I guess I'm one of them. I'm grateful for Rue without her. I don't know where I would be. She took me in 3 years ago when I ran away from home and helped me get a job. I was eternally grateful to her and owed her my life. Without Rue I would have been absorbed by the darkness that lives inside me because happiness has never lived inside me. I have seen people happy but the thought of being happy was a foreign concept to me.

I wonder why Rue chose to be my friend. She was loved by her family, she was pretty and she had money. I actually worked in her family restaurant because I was the boss's friend, so most people treated me with respect. They always ask me the same questions. How the hell did you and Rue become friends and how are ya'll able to stay friends? You see, Rue has a bit of a temper and I’m more timid and hate confrontation but we were able to become friends by respecting each other's boundaries.

We didn't only defer in the personality department. We also defer in the looks department. Rue dyed her hair dusty rose gold ( I remember because I went with her to the salon and spent a good 5 hours while the stylist perfected the color) . She had pale skin and had a supermodel figure. While I had brown long hair and olive skin with a little bit more curves than Rue. I hated my curves because it attracted the wrong men to me. Rue always said I could be a playboy model but that's not my idea of fun or amazing. Since I was young men always assumed I was older and tried their luck with me. It made me hate male attention and affection. Once someone asked me if I was Selena Gomez. I actually liked that question because Selena is hot, so it made me think I was as beautiful as her. The only thing me and Rue have in common is that we both tall. In everything else we are different. I had green eyes, she had blue eyes. I was a tom boy and she was a girly girl. I loved reading and she loved shopping. None of our hobbies matched but we still found a way to have fun together. I never had a best friend until Rue came along.

“Mia , are you okay?’ I could hear the concern in Rue's voice but I kept quiet. I was still trying to figure out what to say without breaking down. After what felt like hours, I stood up and went towards the bathroom in my room.

“Jocelyn can you please leave? I need to get ready for class.”