Toxic feelings

....You have the right to forget me. You have the right to abandon all the hopes I held in my heart. You have the right. But it's different for me because I love you......

Evelyn POV:-

I was standing in front of the mirror, just finished applying my lipstick and checked myself for the one last time to see how I look.

"Evelyn! Come!" My mother; Vanessa Sawyer, called me. 

I sighed, forming a smile and putting my heartbeat to normal by a deep breath and not afflicting my mind in any undesirable thought.

"Coming!" I yelled back and let out a sigh of disapproval again because no matter how much I dress up He will never notice me. 

I tried so hard to tell myself that if he doesn't care, why would I? But, My heart just can't get it out of its head. I just can't do it. 

My heart held those strange feelings for him for as long as I can remember. Just a glimpse of him is enough for me and that's the whole reason why I am going to his brother's wedding. 

Just a partial view of him is embedded deep into my soul.

I have known him ever since my childhood. My father and his father are like brothers. When my grandparents died, Uncle Shawn's parents took care of my father.

‘We are all family'’

That's what he told me, when I confessed.

Just thinking about it breaks my tranquility and I am sure when I'm gonna come back, I'm gonna cry all night remembering all those painful memories which were given to me by him.

Even though he did nothing, it still hurts me that he did 'nothing'. 

Why can't he reconsider my feelings? I know you can't force yourself to love someone but you can try, if it won't work, that's another matter. 

Even after that, I am still going. Just to test myself whether I can get over it or not. I want to forget about him. That me falling for him, it was all a dream;

The dream he broke in a few seconds. I want to get over that humiliating and awkward situation.

..Well that's what I have been trying for the past 3 Years…

I want to forget I was literally begging him to date me and make things weird between us but it's the nightmarish reality I cannot run away from. There's no way for me to get out of this trap.  

I ran my slender fingers through my long raven hairs and walked down. My gray eyes blinked when I stepped out of the house. 

I wore a blue mermaid gown for his brother's wedding, going there just to see him, hoping I will feel nothing this time for him.

Mother and Father smiled when they looked at me. I smiled back and sat in the car.

"You are looking so pretty!" Mother exclaimed with awe.

"Just like her father." My Father; Edward Sawyer said proudly.

"Only in your dreams" Mother retorted.

"She is even more beautiful in my dreams."

"Yeah. Because she looks like her mother. Elegant."Mother said proudly.

"Elegant?" Father began to laugh and mother narrowed her eyes at father. I sighed at their childish fight. Not again.

"I look beautiful because of both of you," I said, trying to stop their childish argument. They looked at me and began to laugh. 

I passed them a faint smile and we left. But, To be honest they looked so cute when they did that. Like they are a perfect couple. 

Caring, Loving, Sweet and cute couple fights. I smiled sadly at the thought because I don't think I can be like them. I want to have a perfect love like them.

***

We reached the hall and my heart began to beat louder than any echo. My throat dried. Maybe I shouldn't have come. 

Every time I came to meet them, I hoped that this time a miracle would happen and that moment I thought.

Even if it happens I would refuse it just like he did. So that he could know what I felt and what I have been through. 

But neither that miracle is going to happen nor I think that if it happens I'll refuse it. I am truly desperate that I am losing myself in the fire of his rejection. 

I cannot forget those moments where I was willing to do anything only to be his partner.

“Forget it, Evelyn. It has passed.” 

I exhaled deeply and shook these thoughts off and went inside. I formed a smile on my face. Even though I was falling apart from inside, my facade is far greater than any other thing I possess.

"Uncle Shawn! Aunt Kyla!" I called them as I walked towards them. 

Adrian is also standing behind them, my heart paced when I locked my eyes with his and unable to keep it up, I broke the two second gaze.

Adrian has green eyes along with dark brown hair. His body is built up along with a fair complexion. He has shaved, he doesn't like a beard that much so he shaves a lot. 

But, his eyes are the most exquisite thing about him.

I scold myself not to admire his beauty. I deeply sighed in my mind and ignored him and hugged Uncle and Aunt.

"My my! When did we have two brides?"Uncle commented. I looked away shyly and replied with a 'thank you'.

Aunt kissed my forehead and complimented me. What I heard next is the most unexpected thing,

"Hi, Evelyn. You are looking Beautiful." Adrian said and I felt so elated.